Two cups of coffee pulling me out of an excellent sleep.
Three tuna-spread sandwiches from Lunds and a rather
vociferous shit. Peering into the toilet bowl (you can do that
more successfully here in the US) I see that one of my stools
looks like a cartoon snake wearing a lone ranger mask.
Even though this house is very beautiful I still have a ferocious
loyalty to 158a Elmington Road in London It’s the kind of affection
I imagine one would feel toward a handicapped son. I’m glad it’s
someone else's responsibility but I still have a deep fondness for it.
Somehow it feels more honest more heartfelt. Everything I got
in London was fought for and and won in the same place.
That made more sense. Here everything just seems to get handed
to me. Except the Shane Pond BMV campaign.That's hardly free.
But my friends here and the house here and the girls all seem
so friendly here. I’ve heard the expression I miss the struggle.
This seems to apply to me at the moment. Could be worse.
I could be stll working with Joeke Canner back in Saatchi's
I’m glad to be free of him. No more Joeke Canner and no
more Adrienne Tyler? No wonder I feel like I‘ve been handed
stuff on a plate.This is heaven in comparision.
They say What’s up? here instead of Wotcha? or How’s it going?
The traditional answer seems to be Not much.. which in St Croix
is certainly an accurate description of the surrounding goings on.
I try to imagine they've asked What do you think of this place?
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
Fort Fuck-Up / Friday
BMV bought the legal ad. Can you believe it?
Mike is here sitting beside me reading my copy of
Loaded which I‘ve just bought. So I thought I’d get
some thoughts down while they’re still hot.
R and I got some good Miller Lite ads done today
I also got the new stuff to Bill. He’s going away
next week. Me too I’ll be staying at the Arlesbury
Hotel on Sunset Boulevard. Robert Aardstrong
sounded impressed by this so it must be a good hotel.
Today was more relaxed though. One of the quieter
ones I‘ve had. Tiley was funny. There was an ad involving
a crash dummy and the client was agrguing about whether
the style of photography would prevent the public from
understanding it was a dummy as opposed to …
”An Alien?” Tiley asked really seriously.
Fuck, maybe he was serious.
Mother wants money.
She virtually asked me for money on the phone.
She hints at it every chance she gets. Her phone bill.
Her passport renewal. So she can visit her favourits son.
No not me. Brian. Her airfare.
Mike just asked me if I ever listened to Echo and the
Bunny Men. I said yes but I never did. I hated them.
And the Cure too. Anyway back to Ma I’ll send her the
money but in my own time. Well I don’t want to tell
her I’m sending it and then not do it.
And I’ll send her that Irish fiver that
I found in an old pair of trousers.
That’ll freak her out. She’ll think,
“The stingy little bastard.”
After the State Fair.
Went to the State Fair with Ike, Derry and yes Trisha.
She has a nice car and probably makes good money.
I actively resisted her advances. She told me Frank
Fitzpatrick of Killalon Fitzpatrick fame, isn’t going to
AA meetings which made me feel better because
I knew he was fucked up and I was glad to know that
this was why. She also said there is no tax on the money
you make when you sell your house in Minnesota. Good
news. I like her, but not in that way if you know what I mean
She’s sparky and interesting and pushy anyway I
kind of got the ‘ump “ with her because I wanted to go
so I could ring ‘Me mammy” who, when I did ring her said
“Why did you bother?’ Can’t win. Still I was happy to get
that info about Frank Fitzpatrick. She could be described as
the nympho with the info (if she was sexually casual
and had lots of information to impart) I wanted
to be alone. I succeeded.
1pm Saturday | Labour day weekend
Mike just Rang and said Princess Di and her new
boyfriend are dead. I can’t believe it. They were being
chased by Paparazzi. In Paris.In their cars and they crashed.
The press created her and then destroyed her. I liked her.
I feel genuinely sad. I really do. She was cool.
Poor thing. All she ever did was behave herself.
Mike is here sitting beside me reading my copy of
Loaded which I‘ve just bought. So I thought I’d get
some thoughts down while they’re still hot.
R and I got some good Miller Lite ads done today
I also got the new stuff to Bill. He’s going away
next week. Me too I’ll be staying at the Arlesbury
Hotel on Sunset Boulevard. Robert Aardstrong
sounded impressed by this so it must be a good hotel.
Today was more relaxed though. One of the quieter
ones I‘ve had. Tiley was funny. There was an ad involving
a crash dummy and the client was agrguing about whether
the style of photography would prevent the public from
understanding it was a dummy as opposed to …
”An Alien?” Tiley asked really seriously.
Fuck, maybe he was serious.
Mother wants money.
She virtually asked me for money on the phone.
She hints at it every chance she gets. Her phone bill.
Her passport renewal. So she can visit her favourits son.
No not me. Brian. Her airfare.
Mike just asked me if I ever listened to Echo and the
Bunny Men. I said yes but I never did. I hated them.
And the Cure too. Anyway back to Ma I’ll send her the
money but in my own time. Well I don’t want to tell
her I’m sending it and then not do it.
And I’ll send her that Irish fiver that
I found in an old pair of trousers.
That’ll freak her out. She’ll think,
“The stingy little bastard.”
After the State Fair.
Went to the State Fair with Ike, Derry and yes Trisha.
She has a nice car and probably makes good money.
I actively resisted her advances. She told me Frank
Fitzpatrick of Killalon Fitzpatrick fame, isn’t going to
AA meetings which made me feel better because
I knew he was fucked up and I was glad to know that
this was why. She also said there is no tax on the money
you make when you sell your house in Minnesota. Good
news. I like her, but not in that way if you know what I mean
She’s sparky and interesting and pushy anyway I
kind of got the ‘ump “ with her because I wanted to go
so I could ring ‘Me mammy” who, when I did ring her said
“Why did you bother?’ Can’t win. Still I was happy to get
that info about Frank Fitzpatrick. She could be described as
the nympho with the info (if she was sexually casual
and had lots of information to impart) I wanted
to be alone. I succeeded.
1pm Saturday | Labour day weekend
Mike just Rang and said Princess Di and her new
boyfriend are dead. I can’t believe it. They were being
chased by Paparazzi. In Paris.In their cars and they crashed.
The press created her and then destroyed her. I liked her.
I feel genuinely sad. I really do. She was cool.
Poor thing. All she ever did was behave herself.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Irving Avenue | St La Croix | 2PM |1997
Had to cancel my bank cards. I lost them along
with my leather card holder. Pisses me off.
But I get the excuse to chill out here at home
for a couple of hours.The BMV proof came back
looking great. I’m very pleased with it.
Also R came up with a good idea to solve the
motorbike dilemma. The legal thing.
So it’s looking good.
I need something to eat. I’m fucking
starving. D sent me an email yesterday which was
very funny. I sent him one back. He’s in Ireland
using his brother’s email Robert Ardstrong turns
out to be quite good. He’s even sent casting tapes.
A whole raft of guys for the Time Magazine ad.
It’s very encouraging.
I keep worrying about what people are going to think when
they read this. It’s annoying. it makes me want to “clean it up”
to be less abrasive, less honest. Ever since that Michelle girl
found my other book in the photocopying room..
photocopying room? Am I now to think that she made
copies? And how long was it sitting there?
Found my cards in Terry’s car. Fuck
Got my tickst for LA. And the Hotel The Aylesbury
sounds more like it. The BMV shots are starting to look cool
I’m feeling better about it. That Tricia wispy haired ugly girl in
AA who I think is after me is going to pick me up and take me
to the State Fair here. I’m not happy about it what the hell.
A guy asked me to be his sponsor tonight and Bryan said go ahead.
He also wants me to do another step 4. Maybe I should just give
him these notepads.
I’m looking forward to getting away to LA next week.
It’s nice to be able to do it. I rang mother but I don’t
know if it’s the phones but it’s hard to talk to her because
there’s an overlap and it sounds like one of us is really nervous
( it must be the distance the sound has to travel)
It’s weird because I don’t know if it’s her cracking up or me
cracking up or it’s just a technical thing with the phones.
Perry is now officaially shagging Angelique and I’m officially jealous.
And Ike was at Sebastian joes with a really beautiful newcomer called Susan.
She shook my hand. Gorgeous. And what about me?
I get ugly Tricia.
Big BMV meeting at 8am again.
Maybe we’ll actually get something agreed this time.
Great sleep and $2grand more in the mail box.
It's great to get my mail in a clichéd american mailbox
I’m thinking of getting Phil a first-class ticket to New York as
a Christmas present. It feels good being here in this house.
It feels like London should have but never did. It’s the extra
space and the nearness to everything. The work is tough but
the AA meetings are so enthusiastic and huge that you know you
can handle anything.
I feel like anything is possible here. Like the
Americans sort of egg you on instead if trying to hem
you in which is the norm in London. They genuinely want you
to succeed here because it makes them look good too.
Makes sense.
Even this Tricia.She has no shame about being keen. Maybe that’s it.
The yanks in general make no apologies for being animated and eager
like big happy fluffy-eared dogs they bound up to you and start on your
leg. You wouldn’t get that in England. In England the sneak up behind
you and try to creep up your arse.
Like cats.
with my leather card holder. Pisses me off.
But I get the excuse to chill out here at home
for a couple of hours.The BMV proof came back
looking great. I’m very pleased with it.
Also R came up with a good idea to solve the
motorbike dilemma. The legal thing.
So it’s looking good.
I need something to eat. I’m fucking
starving. D sent me an email yesterday which was
very funny. I sent him one back. He’s in Ireland
using his brother’s email Robert Ardstrong turns
out to be quite good. He’s even sent casting tapes.
A whole raft of guys for the Time Magazine ad.
It’s very encouraging.
I keep worrying about what people are going to think when
they read this. It’s annoying. it makes me want to “clean it up”
to be less abrasive, less honest. Ever since that Michelle girl
found my other book in the photocopying room..
photocopying room? Am I now to think that she made
copies? And how long was it sitting there?
Found my cards in Terry’s car. Fuck
Got my tickst for LA. And the Hotel The Aylesbury
sounds more like it. The BMV shots are starting to look cool
I’m feeling better about it. That Tricia wispy haired ugly girl in
AA who I think is after me is going to pick me up and take me
to the State Fair here. I’m not happy about it what the hell.
A guy asked me to be his sponsor tonight and Bryan said go ahead.
He also wants me to do another step 4. Maybe I should just give
him these notepads.
I’m looking forward to getting away to LA next week.
It’s nice to be able to do it. I rang mother but I don’t
know if it’s the phones but it’s hard to talk to her because
there’s an overlap and it sounds like one of us is really nervous
( it must be the distance the sound has to travel)
It’s weird because I don’t know if it’s her cracking up or me
cracking up or it’s just a technical thing with the phones.
Perry is now officaially shagging Angelique and I’m officially jealous.
And Ike was at Sebastian joes with a really beautiful newcomer called Susan.
She shook my hand. Gorgeous. And what about me?
I get ugly Tricia.
Big BMV meeting at 8am again.
Maybe we’ll actually get something agreed this time.
Great sleep and $2grand more in the mail box.
It's great to get my mail in a clichéd american mailbox
I’m thinking of getting Phil a first-class ticket to New York as
a Christmas present. It feels good being here in this house.
It feels like London should have but never did. It’s the extra
space and the nearness to everything. The work is tough but
the AA meetings are so enthusiastic and huge that you know you
can handle anything.
I feel like anything is possible here. Like the
Americans sort of egg you on instead if trying to hem
you in which is the norm in London. They genuinely want you
to succeed here because it makes them look good too.
Makes sense.
Even this Tricia.She has no shame about being keen. Maybe that’s it.
The yanks in general make no apologies for being animated and eager
like big happy fluffy-eared dogs they bound up to you and start on your
leg. You wouldn’t get that in England. In England the sneak up behind
you and try to creep up your arse.
Like cats.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
2426 Irving avenue| Fort Fuck-Up | St LaCroix
Here I am listening to George Michael after an AA meeting
just around the corner and a salad and sourdough bread.
The meeting saved mine and others lives. Ike just rang.
He and a friend are on their way over and we’re going to
meet at Sebastian Joes an ice cream place around the
corner. I had a cunt of a day.
That Tami will end up with a knife in her back.
My other diary with all the LA stuff was left
back on my desk with a post-it-note attached to it
‘Found this over by the FED EX machine”
I rang the girl who found it and she said
“Oh I hope you don’t think I read it or anything”
Bob and I had a few good ideas for Piller though.
Spaceman and Follicles and I won my battle to have one line
of type for BMV print which I was delighted with but ddn’t show
it because I’ll need to save it for next time. If they think you're
pleased they’ll have something to bargain with the next time.
You have to remain grumpy and pissed no matter how well
they treat you. Otherwise they’ll walk all over you.
Charlotte Bering wants me. It’s official.
She wants my turgid todger in her. Why else would
she be buying me litte cakes and leaving me little notes.
Slut.
She not only touched me in mid conversation.
She touuuuuccccchhhed me. But have no fear I’m strong.
Too stong. Perched on my desk she was.
I’m not imagining it am I? She’s quite tasty you know. Black hair.
But the other day she laughed so long and hard it was embarrassing.
Her mouth opened so wide there was enough light to see right down
into her throat. It was kind of frightening. All that loudenes and her
face upturned and her head thrown back looked like it became this
huge hollow fleshy opening. Like looking into a flesh toilet bowl with
tonsils in it. And I don’t trust her I think she‘s only after me for my
position and influence. Also Ike is on his way over with a friend of his
who I immediately think is after my money. Poor sad fuck that I have
become. That meeting saved my life tonight it was brilliant.
Dave who I think is excellent said something about “not having slayed
enough oxen” so God was saying “fuck you” to him. Also he said he used
to think of God as a parakeet who needed feeding every morning.
Shane McKlusky, the photographer on the Pond print shoot saw me
writing in this notebook and said "You should never keep a diary and
if you do, you should never tell your lawyer" He's so divorced.
Anne Frank kep one didn’t she?
Yeah and look what thappened to her
just around the corner and a salad and sourdough bread.
The meeting saved mine and others lives. Ike just rang.
He and a friend are on their way over and we’re going to
meet at Sebastian Joes an ice cream place around the
corner. I had a cunt of a day.
That Tami will end up with a knife in her back.
My other diary with all the LA stuff was left
back on my desk with a post-it-note attached to it
‘Found this over by the FED EX machine”
I rang the girl who found it and she said
“Oh I hope you don’t think I read it or anything”
Bob and I had a few good ideas for Piller though.
Spaceman and Follicles and I won my battle to have one line
of type for BMV print which I was delighted with but ddn’t show
it because I’ll need to save it for next time. If they think you're
pleased they’ll have something to bargain with the next time.
You have to remain grumpy and pissed no matter how well
they treat you. Otherwise they’ll walk all over you.
Charlotte Bering wants me. It’s official.
She wants my turgid todger in her. Why else would
she be buying me litte cakes and leaving me little notes.
Slut.
She not only touched me in mid conversation.
She touuuuuccccchhhed me. But have no fear I’m strong.
Too stong. Perched on my desk she was.
I’m not imagining it am I? She’s quite tasty you know. Black hair.
But the other day she laughed so long and hard it was embarrassing.
Her mouth opened so wide there was enough light to see right down
into her throat. It was kind of frightening. All that loudenes and her
face upturned and her head thrown back looked like it became this
huge hollow fleshy opening. Like looking into a flesh toilet bowl with
tonsils in it. And I don’t trust her I think she‘s only after me for my
position and influence. Also Ike is on his way over with a friend of his
who I immediately think is after my money. Poor sad fuck that I have
become. That meeting saved my life tonight it was brilliant.
Dave who I think is excellent said something about “not having slayed
enough oxen” so God was saying “fuck you” to him. Also he said he used
to think of God as a parakeet who needed feeding every morning.
Shane McKlusky, the photographer on the Pond print shoot saw me
writing in this notebook and said "You should never keep a diary and
if you do, you should never tell your lawyer" He's so divorced.
Anne Frank kep one didn’t she?
Yeah and look what thappened to her
Home St LaCroix| august 22 | 11am
Just got back from Pepitos.
I’m going back to bed in a minute. Matt gave me a lift uptown
Calhoun and I sleepwalked back from there stopping at some
antique shops along the way. I tried to buy a TV and video last night
but my card wouldn’t take it. So Rob and Mike had to take me back
with no tv. Poor me. We watched a movie called Barcelona in their
place instead. I got he coffee made this morning which is more than
I can say for Henry the lazy cunt he didn’t even turn up.
But I was glad I got the coffee made and I shared at the
meeting which I enjoyed.
It’s a nice day. The life here is fucking great.
The pace is slow and the girls are clean And after all I only
need one. Or one at a time that is. But with me, one thing
happens Like the fact that the typography might have have to
be on two lines instead of one in my BMV print ads and I’m off.
The job, the house, the reason I’m here in the US falls apart.
They’ll fire me. I’ll have to resign out or sheer inadeqecy.
I’m still recovering from Beaumont’s girlfriend brushing her
beautiful breasts against me. And then suddenly dropping out
of sight to her knees. Slut. What would Beaumont think?
Who cares? What if she was my girlfriend? What if I had been
shagging her the night before and suddenly there she is
offereing her breasts to another man.
Women are only after one thing.
Money.
I had a fucking great sleep earlier on, maybe two hours
or so. I thought I had only slept for a few minutes because
the CD I had put one wasn’t finished but I soon realised that
it was on repeat.
Anyway I went out to Sound City and the guy said he couldn’t
accept my cheque because it was a starter cheque.
Fucking embarrassing since that Swedish guy was there at
the same time. I was mortified. Anway the boys Rob and Mike
were cool I like them a lot. They’ve been very good to me.
In the end mike ended up saying he’d sell me his TV and video
together for $650. $200 less than the shop wanted and no tax.
So I jumped at it. He wants to buy a brietling Watch $900 so
I was happy with that. We rang Martin Bob and Ike and I and
he says his girfriend is about to leave him for good this time.
He said her father was going to pick up her stuff tomorrow.
He said he’d just come back from Ally Pally whether
was ahuge AA convention on.
We drove into a money–raiser car-wash thing run by
teenage girls. You drive up and park amongst them.
Then they surround the car in their little sports bras and shorts
and begin soaping the car. It made a deep impression on me
and the others in the car. No one spke for some time after.
Or if they did I didn’t hear anything. I rang ma and she said
something strange. She said she heard the word Minesota
mentioned on te TV and then changed channels so she wouldn’t
have to watch it. She wants to avoid anything Minesota-related
precisely because I guess I can’t. I think she might only be trying
to get a grip on me by saying she’s only going to New York and
not to me in Minesota. I was hurt by that at first but now I think
what the hell. Derry’s got a date with Anabelle tomorrow night.
Poor bastard. He asked me if he should kiss her or not. Me?
I said, as knowledgeably as I could…"kiss her on the cheek
no more than that"
We went to Ike’s sister’s barbeque.
Her boyfriend’s French. Jesus I wasn’t able to hide my
intolerence. I really did feel superior. I know I‘m sorry
there was one guy who asked if I played Rugby.
When I said no he said,
‘Oh he says because you look like a hooker”
(Stocky in other words)
‘And you look like a pimp” I said without thinking.
He looked quite shocked but then I back peddled
‘But sometimes working in advertising I feel like one”
hwe looked even more shocked after that.
Yes yes it was the best I could do. I hated him and everyone in
there and from that moment I wanted to leave from the moment I got
there and then they were all drinking and starting to get louder and
louder until Mike bailed me out.
‘We’re going to te movies we have to get tickets etc”
I ate one burger and two kebabby things I could have eaten
5 burgers no problem. The the state bird ( the mosquito) began
it mass migration to our table and the carnage began.
They were passing a bottle of “bug repellant “around like ketchup.
We left. I exhaled.
I’m going back to bed in a minute. Matt gave me a lift uptown
Calhoun and I sleepwalked back from there stopping at some
antique shops along the way. I tried to buy a TV and video last night
but my card wouldn’t take it. So Rob and Mike had to take me back
with no tv. Poor me. We watched a movie called Barcelona in their
place instead. I got he coffee made this morning which is more than
I can say for Henry the lazy cunt he didn’t even turn up.
But I was glad I got the coffee made and I shared at the
meeting which I enjoyed.
It’s a nice day. The life here is fucking great.
The pace is slow and the girls are clean And after all I only
need one. Or one at a time that is. But with me, one thing
happens Like the fact that the typography might have have to
be on two lines instead of one in my BMV print ads and I’m off.
The job, the house, the reason I’m here in the US falls apart.
They’ll fire me. I’ll have to resign out or sheer inadeqecy.
I’m still recovering from Beaumont’s girlfriend brushing her
beautiful breasts against me. And then suddenly dropping out
of sight to her knees. Slut. What would Beaumont think?
Who cares? What if she was my girlfriend? What if I had been
shagging her the night before and suddenly there she is
offereing her breasts to another man.
Women are only after one thing.
Money.
I had a fucking great sleep earlier on, maybe two hours
or so. I thought I had only slept for a few minutes because
the CD I had put one wasn’t finished but I soon realised that
it was on repeat.
Anyway I went out to Sound City and the guy said he couldn’t
accept my cheque because it was a starter cheque.
Fucking embarrassing since that Swedish guy was there at
the same time. I was mortified. Anway the boys Rob and Mike
were cool I like them a lot. They’ve been very good to me.
In the end mike ended up saying he’d sell me his TV and video
together for $650. $200 less than the shop wanted and no tax.
So I jumped at it. He wants to buy a brietling Watch $900 so
I was happy with that. We rang Martin Bob and Ike and I and
he says his girfriend is about to leave him for good this time.
He said her father was going to pick up her stuff tomorrow.
He said he’d just come back from Ally Pally whether
was ahuge AA convention on.
We drove into a money–raiser car-wash thing run by
teenage girls. You drive up and park amongst them.
Then they surround the car in their little sports bras and shorts
and begin soaping the car. It made a deep impression on me
and the others in the car. No one spke for some time after.
Or if they did I didn’t hear anything. I rang ma and she said
something strange. She said she heard the word Minesota
mentioned on te TV and then changed channels so she wouldn’t
have to watch it. She wants to avoid anything Minesota-related
precisely because I guess I can’t. I think she might only be trying
to get a grip on me by saying she’s only going to New York and
not to me in Minesota. I was hurt by that at first but now I think
what the hell. Derry’s got a date with Anabelle tomorrow night.
Poor bastard. He asked me if he should kiss her or not. Me?
I said, as knowledgeably as I could…"kiss her on the cheek
no more than that"
We went to Ike’s sister’s barbeque.
Her boyfriend’s French. Jesus I wasn’t able to hide my
intolerence. I really did feel superior. I know I‘m sorry
there was one guy who asked if I played Rugby.
When I said no he said,
‘Oh he says because you look like a hooker”
(Stocky in other words)
‘And you look like a pimp” I said without thinking.
He looked quite shocked but then I back peddled
‘But sometimes working in advertising I feel like one”
hwe looked even more shocked after that.
Yes yes it was the best I could do. I hated him and everyone in
there and from that moment I wanted to leave from the moment I got
there and then they were all drinking and starting to get louder and
louder until Mike bailed me out.
‘We’re going to te movies we have to get tickets etc”
I ate one burger and two kebabby things I could have eaten
5 burgers no problem. The the state bird ( the mosquito) began
it mass migration to our table and the carnage began.
They were passing a bottle of “bug repellant “around like ketchup.
We left. I exhaled.
Fort Fuck-Up | 11.45pm
Met Beaumont’s’ girl friend who looks very much like
Nicky (very tasty) She came straight up to me.
’I luuuurrrve your house…I’ve seen your house.”
And then after rubbing her substantial tits on my arm
she drops on her knees.
“Please let me move in with you.“
I was nonchalant apart from the twitch in my right eye.
“Ooooh it’s sooo beautiful”
Ike was there too.
‘Well he’s a beautiful man” he says, to which I added,
‘It’s a beautiful world” and walked away.
Bu the truth is I found her deeply attractive.
Lovely clean skin, blonde hair, nice arse, very pleasant
character as opposed to just horny and she’s Polish so
there’s an accent going on. But Beaumont is her boyfriend.
Ike and Bob are going to take me to go and buy a vcr
tomorrow. I’m thinking I don’t really want one but
I need to appear to be normal.
I had a really good chat with Selford (Tylers’s brother)
he’s a really nice guy. He used to beat himself up.
Literally.
‘I need to be bloodied” he would say
and set upon himself. That must have looked
fucking wild.I mean how do you punch yourself
hard enough to bleed?
Nicky (very tasty) She came straight up to me.
’I luuuurrrve your house…I’ve seen your house.”
And then after rubbing her substantial tits on my arm
she drops on her knees.
“Please let me move in with you.“
I was nonchalant apart from the twitch in my right eye.
“Ooooh it’s sooo beautiful”
Ike was there too.
‘Well he’s a beautiful man” he says, to which I added,
‘It’s a beautiful world” and walked away.
Bu the truth is I found her deeply attractive.
Lovely clean skin, blonde hair, nice arse, very pleasant
character as opposed to just horny and she’s Polish so
there’s an accent going on. But Beaumont is her boyfriend.
Ike and Bob are going to take me to go and buy a vcr
tomorrow. I’m thinking I don’t really want one but
I need to appear to be normal.
I had a really good chat with Selford (Tylers’s brother)
he’s a really nice guy. He used to beat himself up.
Literally.
‘I need to be bloodied” he would say
and set upon himself. That must have looked
fucking wild.I mean how do you punch yourself
hard enough to bleed?
Wednesday Night | August 20 | Home 11pm
Tired.
Dropped Martin off at the airport and missed the agency
monthly meeting. The Pond stuff is going well. Rick (with a P)
got on my tits today mind you, I’ve been up since 6am so
that doesn’t help. I’m getting ready for a good bath and yes…
that too.
The Mount meeting was nice. I shared. I‘d like to share more
often maybe that’s why I‘m writing all this stuff down. I feel
a little strange tonight I had a little cry earlier. Not an unhappily.
It was from relief. I thnk. Martin is quite an intense character.
He can be like a black hole when he’s feeling down.
He absorbs the atmosphere around him.
It’s impossible to keep him buoyant.
So draining.
I feel a bit silly in my big house. It seems a little unesacessary.
I mean here I am in a big fuck-off house. It looks like somewhere
a cute curly haired wife and kids should be. But instead there’s
baldy-crazy-man. The thing is I just need to feel like I deserve
it. My method seems to be if I work harder then I will at least
deserve all the good things that happen to me. But of course
the harder I work the less time I have to enjoy said good things.
Dilemma. Well fuck it I can always sell the cunting house for a
not insubstantial profit.
My fucking Mother says she’s go to New York for
Christmas and not to Minneapolis. Not even for the New Year.
That hurts. But there you go. Kieran’s there right now bringing
her out every night on Caroline’s money. I’m jealous I suppose.
He ‘s not supposed to be able to do that.He’s supposed to be poor.
Then when he hears I‘m talking to Directors in Holywod
(North Holywooddoesn’t reall count but he doesn’t know that)
he wants to, get this, download some ideas for me “to have a look at.”
(“to be impressed by” by in other words)
Martin is doing the same thing.
“Give me your contacts” he says.”and I ‘ll give you mine”
“Give me a fucking break ‘ I say…and anyway what contacts does he have?
Some Paki who works in the kebab shop in Deptford.
I’m going to bed.
Dropped Martin off at the airport and missed the agency
monthly meeting. The Pond stuff is going well. Rick (with a P)
got on my tits today mind you, I’ve been up since 6am so
that doesn’t help. I’m getting ready for a good bath and yes…
that too.
The Mount meeting was nice. I shared. I‘d like to share more
often maybe that’s why I‘m writing all this stuff down. I feel
a little strange tonight I had a little cry earlier. Not an unhappily.
It was from relief. I thnk. Martin is quite an intense character.
He can be like a black hole when he’s feeling down.
He absorbs the atmosphere around him.
It’s impossible to keep him buoyant.
So draining.
I feel a bit silly in my big house. It seems a little unesacessary.
I mean here I am in a big fuck-off house. It looks like somewhere
a cute curly haired wife and kids should be. But instead there’s
baldy-crazy-man. The thing is I just need to feel like I deserve
it. My method seems to be if I work harder then I will at least
deserve all the good things that happen to me. But of course
the harder I work the less time I have to enjoy said good things.
Dilemma. Well fuck it I can always sell the cunting house for a
not insubstantial profit.
My fucking Mother says she’s go to New York for
Christmas and not to Minneapolis. Not even for the New Year.
That hurts. But there you go. Kieran’s there right now bringing
her out every night on Caroline’s money. I’m jealous I suppose.
He ‘s not supposed to be able to do that.He’s supposed to be poor.
Then when he hears I‘m talking to Directors in Holywod
(North Holywooddoesn’t reall count but he doesn’t know that)
he wants to, get this, download some ideas for me “to have a look at.”
(“to be impressed by” by in other words)
Martin is doing the same thing.
“Give me your contacts” he says.”and I ‘ll give you mine”
“Give me a fucking break ‘ I say…and anyway what contacts does he have?
Some Paki who works in the kebab shop in Deptford.
I’m going to bed.
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