July 29 | 1997
I’m down on the ground now I’m writing this on the
surface of a smoker’s bin at Schiphol. Gate G7 waiting
for Aer lingus E1603 1025 I‘ll become a plane spotter soon.
Still don’t know what aer lingus means.
I found out yesterday that "Rain Check" comes from rain cheque
(the yanks can’t spell) which is something they used to give you
at the general store if they ran out of something. It’s like a voucher.
Although I‘m still not sure where the rain comes in.
It’s funny to to think that the meaning of Rain check is so embedded
in our culture in from American tv shows but I really had no idea
whereit came from.
I‘m looking around here at Schiphol trying to think up
ideas for ads (for United Airlines maybe) I was thinking
a glass world would be a good place for headlines and copy..
with real people standing positioned under or in front of it.
I could do with a fuck.
Seriously It’s been 4 years tomorrow.
Four years...that’s really embarrassing. I know that sex for
the sake of sex is not going to make me feel very good but
I mean it might be worth it just to rejoin the human race.
And it’s strange because externally I say I’m embarrassed
but another part of me is really proud of it. It’s really
nothing to be ashamed of. I mean if If some other
guy told me he hadn’t had sex for 4 years I think
I’d respect him. (I'd tell him that externallly but
deep down I wouldn't trust him)
There's something about moral people.
They seem happier. Not as worried looking.
Anyway, having said that I’d prefer to meet a
girl who also hasn’t had sex for 4 years.
Now you’re talking my particular brand of
spoken-broken-English.
I’m going to go mad in Schiphol duty-free
on the way back getting all the stuff I can’t
get in St LaCroix
You know the pictures that come back from places
like Mars? Look out the window of our office in Killallon
Fitzpatrickand you’ll see the same thing.Maybe the whole
city is a hoax like the moonlandings and the holocaust.
Alright now, steady.
Full ahead ding ding. Mind those icebergs.
Flying around the world on company money.
For a fucked up dude like myself who’s unable to stay
in one place for 10 minutes it’s perfect.
Tell you what though,Dublin is looking good.
I could live here what the hell. I needed something
to jerk me out of London...and ok it’s agood agency
but life’s too short. I like Ireland there’s nothing
wrong with it. I just need to suss out AA first.
Ted, a founder-member of Killalon Fitzpatrick,
was out for the count at the BMV technicians
meeting. There he was pen poised but dead asleep.
The pen is in the air as if he’s paused in thought about to
write something down but no....he’s asleep.The only reason
I noticed it at all, was because I wanted to see if he and Graham
were feeling the jet lag as badly as I was. And I could barely
keep my eyes open long enough to acknowledge that Ted was
asleep. Anyway Graham and I found it hilarious. I think I
endeared myself to him later on when I said he was like
one of those petrified Pompeii people. He laughed.
Later
Oh dear oh dear it’s all go to day. Here I am on the 3.05
trainfrom Heuston Station Dublin to Kilkenny. Puts me in
mind of an nice billboard I once saw here which showed an
empty pint of Guinness with the headline...
’Heuston we have a problem”
I’ve just been to an AA meeting on Molesworth street just off
Dawson sterett and it worked out really sweet with this train
schedule. Dublin is looking great.I hope Killallon open up a
shop here too. I can even get money out of AIB cash machines.
The women (here we go again) are tasty AND Irish which
is normally a contradiction in terms. I like to think
I’m getting the glad-eye from quite a few.
I rang the mother.
She has chicken Kievs bought and I know that
means she’s excited. Dublin looks good.I always
seem to want to live everywhere I visit. Munich
Dublin..The cab-driver told me a story about his da
which was brought about by a young woman
bewailing the death of some gentleman on
the radio.
'My father nearly paid for being a gentLeman with hIs life”
Good opening headline I thought... how can I not want to
hear more?
‘My father used to drive those oil trucks
He’d drive them up and down the country full and empty.
Anyway one day he stops for this young one on the side
of the road. She’s after getting a flat tyre. She’s waving
him down and the father pulls over and gets out.He takes
one look at the jack she has the car on and he say he’ll
get his own from the truck. So he gets his and he’s just
sliding it under and doesn’t the fucking car slip off her jack
and onto the father’s hand. His hand and the best part of his
arm completely crushed. The company wouldn’t give hima
penny because “He was working for someone else when he
was hurt” They would have let him go( funny how "let go" is
reserved for relatives and friends when everyone else gets
“fired”) only his friends said they’d go on strike... 'and do
you know that woman was a big farmer in the area and she
never gave him so much as a fiver."
I was thinking why should she pay the guy anything if he’s
stupid enough (forgive me) to stop the truck duringhis working
hours to help some chick and he fucks up his arm then he can’t
expect her to pay him compensation. Anyway better she fucks up
his arm than his head. That’s what they normally do. Misodgenist?
Me? I can’t even spell it. Suffice it to say they’re all money-grabbing
sluts. Well some of them are. Well ok, my ex is. Was.
So Dublin. Dix Point. I’m looking forward to my Pee BMV ad and
I think it’ll be brilliant. I don’t care if they run it or not I just want to
get it made.I hope they do though. Then I can send it to Campaign
and Creative Review and sick it up Sbastian's tightly shut hole.
Whatever.
I am actually using ‘whatever” in my everyday vernack?
I caught myself saying “You guys“ the other day. It may already be
too late for me. God those fuckers were boring last night.I kept
looking at the people at the other tables to try and keep interested.
One guy about 45 with abig nose came in all swagger and tweed
with what I immediately decided was his most recent purchase.
Half his age and half Moroccan looking big lips and white nylon,
flared leggings and you canimagine the arse on it....
yes you’ve got it. Everything pert and everything exactly
were it should be. She oozed dirt.
Seeping out of her pores it was.
There was a black guy playing the piano and Tweedy gave him a
tip and waved goodbye to everyone in the restaurant before leaving
with his walking talking mannekin. Waved? As if to acknowlede that
he knew we were all looking at him and his girlfriend. Girfriend?
But now they really must be leaving.
They had all manner of fucking to do.
At another table there was what I assumed was a
husband and wife and daughter Now this daughter was
something else. There was money involved that went with
out saying. Money definitely had the comfortable
seat with the best view.She wore white pearls and a
brown cardigan over a gentle grass-green top.
Very hair-up and long-fingered. The thing is though
she was small. Being small myself I know I’ll never have
attention lavished on my knob by some 6 foot model but
when she’s small and to hell with it..petite when she’s
petits and so obviously tailor-made for me then it’s a
little harder My knob that is.And the idea of shagging
someone’s daughter is also very important . The fact
that they would have more or less approved of the act
will encourage the daughter to give herself more
freely to me. Anyway I scanned the rings and it was all
over. Some other fucker was already in there.
Mind you if she was with me the only ring she’d get
on her finger would be when I ask her to stick it up
my hole whie I fucked her in the face.
Oh me miserum.
What’s a sick fuck to do? Here we are rolling along courtesy of CIE through
the slurry blurry greenery that is Co Kildare. Anyway looks like I’ll be flying
around in the stratosphere like ozone for the next few months. Shooting
the print work or BMV in August-Sept. Shooting the TV September/October.
And the post production will no doubt take me into Christmas.
Then this new stuff needs to be done for July next year.
I’ll wave at you from above.
And the hotel rooms will get to me I dare say I ‘ll develop some
sort of system. I really don’t know how you’re supposed to have a
relationship with all that flying around.Mind you, I don’t know how
you’re supposed to have a relationship full stop. Hmm? Tomorrow
I’ll be 4 years sober. 4 years. It sounds so serious.
I really feel different recently. I must be growing. Maybe the move
to the US and Matty pegging it That’s the first time I‘ve used such a
light expression to describe his death. It's made me more mature.
Or more something. But I feell like I can handle stuff a lot better
than I used to. I didn’t drink so that’s often all that matters.
It’s nice to have goals.You know? Something to aim for.
I feel like I am defefinately being taken care of by something
‘up there” That’s it that’s’ as far as I’ m going. I’ve got to write
this cunting book by this time next year.
Typed done and finished.
The end.
This BMV guy we had dinner with last night lost all this weight.
I didn’t know until Ted asked him how he lost it all. And he said as
usual in “ze very german axcent theer was a break up with a girl
involved" I couldn’t help thinking even this fucking boring kraut is
getting shagged also he tod a funny story...he loves his BMV and he
was driving it along some Alpine road in Italy (as you do) and this
guy in a fucked-up Fiat pulls beside him and starts shouting
'Bella machina.. bella machina"
So he thinks nothing of it and drives on. But the Italian fan stays
on his tail which isn’t as easy as it sounds since the Fiat has seems
better “Journos” So he shouts to him to pull over. On the side of the
road after a few more references to the "Bella machina" the Kraut
is astonished to hear that he is being challenged to a race.
"Si.. a race.. "
'What about the police?" says the kraut since he knows "In Italy you
can get arrested for driving in fourth gear" this is a geman cardriver's
joke because in germany there is no speed limit.The Kraut is used to
the autobahns where they have nict speed limits and the BNV
speedometers reflect this on their dials going up to 120 130 140 kph.
”No poliza today” says "Bellahead mysteriously.
"Fair enoughenstrasse" says Kraut-mouth and off they go.
Bellahead is left in a mess of his own making and an hour later he turns
up at the BMV camp. The kraut said he would have driven on and left the
Italian wondering forever only he was curious to know why the guy had
said there would be no police today. He thought maybe there was
something Sicillian thing going on. Bella explained by pulling out his
Police badge.
"You’ll receive a speeding summons within the week"
Actually he dIdn’t fine him I couldn’t resist adding that in there because
I hated the german bastard so much for telling such a predicatable story
where I knew the Italian guy was a copthe moment he said "no police today"
but the fucking germann cunt proably gets great laughs out of this story.
Who the fuck did he think he was talking to?
But more worrying even in my jet lagged state I could see that
doing ads for humourless fucks likethis wasn’t going to be easy.
There's a girl sitting opposite me now and yes you guessed it
I’d give her one.
Blue sleeveless top with ribbed wool causing nice shadowed furrows
undulating on her breathing tits. Long blonde frizzy hair, tight jeans
and healie boots. Kind of wrinkled here and there on the face
Troubled looking. Probably works too hard or her father gives
it to her up the shitter. Freckles. Lipstick. She could do without
that. Great eyes though very mature. She‘s playing with her hair.
I like that.Hang on she’s eating a Mrs bar .She has an angry look
about her Like she’s got a right to be angry. I can’t imagine her
naked and happy. I bet she’d be a ferocious ride. All that rage.
She’s cold now .She's just taken a sweater out of her bag and
put it on. Fuck. It looks good on her though. I’m thinking
maybe she’s onto me that she knows I‘m writing about her as
he’s sitting right there in front of me and that’s what she’s angry
about. She’s just taken one of her boots off. And now she's
taking something out of it.
A stone? A twig. Imagine her after a long walk .Tired but happy.
Happy because she's with you. Her feet hurting and her boots ruined
but she doesn’t care and neither do you What are boots for after all?
Walking. And you sing that song and she joins in and you both walk the
last mile back to the rented cottage that took you two weeks to agree
on. Did it have a good view of the sea? Dit have TV video? Do we even
want TV video?Was there a shop nearby. All she’s done is sit in front
of me and read her BEST magazine. "That’s it." she says
"You’ve gone too far. I need some space. It’s not you it’s me"
"I know we haven’t even met yet but I don’t
thnk we should see each other any more"
Not long now Kilkenny. The mother will be waiting.
I‘m trying to be cool about coming home but I’m really
looking forward to it now. I hope she’s not going to be
miserable. The design centre will need visiting and of course
I can get as much money as I fucking well like thanks to my
charge card. Charge. Hang on I think I got caught by the
chick opposite. You know when you’re sitting opposite
someone? Well, you know when you look at
the window? Well you can see that person’s reflection
can’t you? Well there I was checking her out in the
reflection and when I when I caught her eye in there.
She was checking me out too.
In the reflection. The slut.
surface of a smoker’s bin at Schiphol. Gate G7 waiting
for Aer lingus E1603 1025 I‘ll become a plane spotter soon.
Still don’t know what aer lingus means.
I found out yesterday that "Rain Check" comes from rain cheque
(the yanks can’t spell) which is something they used to give you
at the general store if they ran out of something. It’s like a voucher.
Although I‘m still not sure where the rain comes in.
It’s funny to to think that the meaning of Rain check is so embedded
in our culture in from American tv shows but I really had no idea
whereit came from.
I‘m looking around here at Schiphol trying to think up
ideas for ads (for United Airlines maybe) I was thinking
a glass world would be a good place for headlines and copy..
with real people standing positioned under or in front of it.
I could do with a fuck.
Seriously It’s been 4 years tomorrow.
Four years...that’s really embarrassing. I know that sex for
the sake of sex is not going to make me feel very good but
I mean it might be worth it just to rejoin the human race.
And it’s strange because externally I say I’m embarrassed
but another part of me is really proud of it. It’s really
nothing to be ashamed of. I mean if If some other
guy told me he hadn’t had sex for 4 years I think
I’d respect him. (I'd tell him that externallly but
deep down I wouldn't trust him)
There's something about moral people.
They seem happier. Not as worried looking.
Anyway, having said that I’d prefer to meet a
girl who also hasn’t had sex for 4 years.
Now you’re talking my particular brand of
spoken-broken-English.
I’m going to go mad in Schiphol duty-free
on the way back getting all the stuff I can’t
get in St LaCroix
You know the pictures that come back from places
like Mars? Look out the window of our office in Killallon
Fitzpatrickand you’ll see the same thing.Maybe the whole
city is a hoax like the moonlandings and the holocaust.
Alright now, steady.
Full ahead ding ding. Mind those icebergs.
Flying around the world on company money.
For a fucked up dude like myself who’s unable to stay
in one place for 10 minutes it’s perfect.
Tell you what though,Dublin is looking good.
I could live here what the hell. I needed something
to jerk me out of London...and ok it’s agood agency
but life’s too short. I like Ireland there’s nothing
wrong with it. I just need to suss out AA first.
Ted, a founder-member of Killalon Fitzpatrick,
was out for the count at the BMV technicians
meeting. There he was pen poised but dead asleep.
The pen is in the air as if he’s paused in thought about to
write something down but no....he’s asleep.The only reason
I noticed it at all, was because I wanted to see if he and Graham
were feeling the jet lag as badly as I was. And I could barely
keep my eyes open long enough to acknowledge that Ted was
asleep. Anyway Graham and I found it hilarious. I think I
endeared myself to him later on when I said he was like
one of those petrified Pompeii people. He laughed.
Later
Oh dear oh dear it’s all go to day. Here I am on the 3.05
trainfrom Heuston Station Dublin to Kilkenny. Puts me in
mind of an nice billboard I once saw here which showed an
empty pint of Guinness with the headline...
’Heuston we have a problem”
I’ve just been to an AA meeting on Molesworth street just off
Dawson sterett and it worked out really sweet with this train
schedule. Dublin is looking great.I hope Killallon open up a
shop here too. I can even get money out of AIB cash machines.
The women (here we go again) are tasty AND Irish which
is normally a contradiction in terms. I like to think
I’m getting the glad-eye from quite a few.
I rang the mother.
She has chicken Kievs bought and I know that
means she’s excited. Dublin looks good.I always
seem to want to live everywhere I visit. Munich
Dublin..The cab-driver told me a story about his da
which was brought about by a young woman
bewailing the death of some gentleman on
the radio.
'My father nearly paid for being a gentLeman with hIs life”
Good opening headline I thought... how can I not want to
hear more?
‘My father used to drive those oil trucks
He’d drive them up and down the country full and empty.
Anyway one day he stops for this young one on the side
of the road. She’s after getting a flat tyre. She’s waving
him down and the father pulls over and gets out.He takes
one look at the jack she has the car on and he say he’ll
get his own from the truck. So he gets his and he’s just
sliding it under and doesn’t the fucking car slip off her jack
and onto the father’s hand. His hand and the best part of his
arm completely crushed. The company wouldn’t give hima
penny because “He was working for someone else when he
was hurt” They would have let him go( funny how "let go" is
reserved for relatives and friends when everyone else gets
“fired”) only his friends said they’d go on strike... 'and do
you know that woman was a big farmer in the area and she
never gave him so much as a fiver."
I was thinking why should she pay the guy anything if he’s
stupid enough (forgive me) to stop the truck duringhis working
hours to help some chick and he fucks up his arm then he can’t
expect her to pay him compensation. Anyway better she fucks up
his arm than his head. That’s what they normally do. Misodgenist?
Me? I can’t even spell it. Suffice it to say they’re all money-grabbing
sluts. Well some of them are. Well ok, my ex is. Was.
So Dublin. Dix Point. I’m looking forward to my Pee BMV ad and
I think it’ll be brilliant. I don’t care if they run it or not I just want to
get it made.I hope they do though. Then I can send it to Campaign
and Creative Review and sick it up Sbastian's tightly shut hole.
Whatever.
I am actually using ‘whatever” in my everyday vernack?
I caught myself saying “You guys“ the other day. It may already be
too late for me. God those fuckers were boring last night.I kept
looking at the people at the other tables to try and keep interested.
One guy about 45 with abig nose came in all swagger and tweed
with what I immediately decided was his most recent purchase.
Half his age and half Moroccan looking big lips and white nylon,
flared leggings and you canimagine the arse on it....
yes you’ve got it. Everything pert and everything exactly
were it should be. She oozed dirt.
Seeping out of her pores it was.
There was a black guy playing the piano and Tweedy gave him a
tip and waved goodbye to everyone in the restaurant before leaving
with his walking talking mannekin. Waved? As if to acknowlede that
he knew we were all looking at him and his girlfriend. Girfriend?
But now they really must be leaving.
They had all manner of fucking to do.
At another table there was what I assumed was a
husband and wife and daughter Now this daughter was
something else. There was money involved that went with
out saying. Money definitely had the comfortable
seat with the best view.She wore white pearls and a
brown cardigan over a gentle grass-green top.
Very hair-up and long-fingered. The thing is though
she was small. Being small myself I know I’ll never have
attention lavished on my knob by some 6 foot model but
when she’s small and to hell with it..petite when she’s
petits and so obviously tailor-made for me then it’s a
little harder My knob that is.And the idea of shagging
someone’s daughter is also very important . The fact
that they would have more or less approved of the act
will encourage the daughter to give herself more
freely to me. Anyway I scanned the rings and it was all
over. Some other fucker was already in there.
Mind you if she was with me the only ring she’d get
on her finger would be when I ask her to stick it up
my hole whie I fucked her in the face.
Oh me miserum.
What’s a sick fuck to do? Here we are rolling along courtesy of CIE through
the slurry blurry greenery that is Co Kildare. Anyway looks like I’ll be flying
around in the stratosphere like ozone for the next few months. Shooting
the print work or BMV in August-Sept. Shooting the TV September/October.
And the post production will no doubt take me into Christmas.
Then this new stuff needs to be done for July next year.
I’ll wave at you from above.
And the hotel rooms will get to me I dare say I ‘ll develop some
sort of system. I really don’t know how you’re supposed to have a
relationship with all that flying around.Mind you, I don’t know how
you’re supposed to have a relationship full stop. Hmm? Tomorrow
I’ll be 4 years sober. 4 years. It sounds so serious.
I really feel different recently. I must be growing. Maybe the move
to the US and Matty pegging it That’s the first time I‘ve used such a
light expression to describe his death. It's made me more mature.
Or more something. But I feell like I can handle stuff a lot better
than I used to. I didn’t drink so that’s often all that matters.
It’s nice to have goals.You know? Something to aim for.
I feel like I am defefinately being taken care of by something
‘up there” That’s it that’s’ as far as I’ m going. I’ve got to write
this cunting book by this time next year.
Typed done and finished.
The end.
This BMV guy we had dinner with last night lost all this weight.
I didn’t know until Ted asked him how he lost it all. And he said as
usual in “ze very german axcent theer was a break up with a girl
involved" I couldn’t help thinking even this fucking boring kraut is
getting shagged also he tod a funny story...he loves his BMV and he
was driving it along some Alpine road in Italy (as you do) and this
guy in a fucked-up Fiat pulls beside him and starts shouting
'Bella machina.. bella machina"
So he thinks nothing of it and drives on. But the Italian fan stays
on his tail which isn’t as easy as it sounds since the Fiat has seems
better “Journos” So he shouts to him to pull over. On the side of the
road after a few more references to the "Bella machina" the Kraut
is astonished to hear that he is being challenged to a race.
"Si.. a race.. "
'What about the police?" says the kraut since he knows "In Italy you
can get arrested for driving in fourth gear" this is a geman cardriver's
joke because in germany there is no speed limit.The Kraut is used to
the autobahns where they have nict speed limits and the BNV
speedometers reflect this on their dials going up to 120 130 140 kph.
”No poliza today” says "Bellahead mysteriously.
"Fair enoughenstrasse" says Kraut-mouth and off they go.
Bellahead is left in a mess of his own making and an hour later he turns
up at the BMV camp. The kraut said he would have driven on and left the
Italian wondering forever only he was curious to know why the guy had
said there would be no police today. He thought maybe there was
something Sicillian thing going on. Bella explained by pulling out his
Police badge.
"You’ll receive a speeding summons within the week"
Actually he dIdn’t fine him I couldn’t resist adding that in there because
I hated the german bastard so much for telling such a predicatable story
where I knew the Italian guy was a copthe moment he said "no police today"
but the fucking germann cunt proably gets great laughs out of this story.
Who the fuck did he think he was talking to?
But more worrying even in my jet lagged state I could see that
doing ads for humourless fucks likethis wasn’t going to be easy.
There's a girl sitting opposite me now and yes you guessed it
I’d give her one.
Blue sleeveless top with ribbed wool causing nice shadowed furrows
undulating on her breathing tits. Long blonde frizzy hair, tight jeans
and healie boots. Kind of wrinkled here and there on the face
Troubled looking. Probably works too hard or her father gives
it to her up the shitter. Freckles. Lipstick. She could do without
that. Great eyes though very mature. She‘s playing with her hair.
I like that.Hang on she’s eating a Mrs bar .She has an angry look
about her Like she’s got a right to be angry. I can’t imagine her
naked and happy. I bet she’d be a ferocious ride. All that rage.
She’s cold now .She's just taken a sweater out of her bag and
put it on. Fuck. It looks good on her though. I’m thinking
maybe she’s onto me that she knows I‘m writing about her as
he’s sitting right there in front of me and that’s what she’s angry
about. She’s just taken one of her boots off. And now she's
taking something out of it.
A stone? A twig. Imagine her after a long walk .Tired but happy.
Happy because she's with you. Her feet hurting and her boots ruined
but she doesn’t care and neither do you What are boots for after all?
Walking. And you sing that song and she joins in and you both walk the
last mile back to the rented cottage that took you two weeks to agree
on. Did it have a good view of the sea? Dit have TV video? Do we even
want TV video?Was there a shop nearby. All she’s done is sit in front
of me and read her BEST magazine. "That’s it." she says
"You’ve gone too far. I need some space. It’s not you it’s me"
"I know we haven’t even met yet but I don’t
thnk we should see each other any more"
Not long now Kilkenny. The mother will be waiting.
I‘m trying to be cool about coming home but I’m really
looking forward to it now. I hope she’s not going to be
miserable. The design centre will need visiting and of course
I can get as much money as I fucking well like thanks to my
charge card. Charge. Hang on I think I got caught by the
chick opposite. You know when you’re sitting opposite
someone? Well, you know when you look at
the window? Well you can see that person’s reflection
can’t you? Well there I was checking her out in the
reflection and when I when I caught her eye in there.
She was checking me out too.
In the reflection. The slut.
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