Wednesday Night | August 20 | Home 11pm
Tired.
Dropped Martin off at the airport and missed the agency
monthly meeting. The Pond stuff is going well. Rick (with a P)
got on my tits today mind you, I’ve been up since 6am so
that doesn’t help. I’m getting ready for a good bath and yes…
that too.
The Mount meeting was nice. I shared. I‘d like to share more
often maybe that’s why I‘m writing all this stuff down. I feel
a little strange tonight I had a little cry earlier. Not an unhappily.
It was from relief. I thnk. Martin is quite an intense character.
He can be like a black hole when he’s feeling down.
He absorbs the atmosphere around him.
It’s impossible to keep him buoyant.
So draining.
I feel a bit silly in my big house. It seems a little unesacessary.
I mean here I am in a big fuck-off house. It looks like somewhere
a cute curly haired wife and kids should be. But instead there’s
baldy-crazy-man. The thing is I just need to feel like I deserve
it. My method seems to be if I work harder then I will at least
deserve all the good things that happen to me. But of course
the harder I work the less time I have to enjoy said good things.
Dilemma. Well fuck it I can always sell the cunting house for a
not insubstantial profit.
My fucking Mother says she’s go to New York for
Christmas and not to Minneapolis. Not even for the New Year.
That hurts. But there you go. Kieran’s there right now bringing
her out every night on Caroline’s money. I’m jealous I suppose.
He ‘s not supposed to be able to do that.He’s supposed to be poor.
Then when he hears I‘m talking to Directors in Holywod
(North Holywooddoesn’t reall count but he doesn’t know that)
he wants to, get this, download some ideas for me “to have a look at.”
(“to be impressed by” by in other words)
Martin is doing the same thing.
“Give me your contacts” he says.”and I ‘ll give you mine”
“Give me a fucking break ‘ I say…and anyway what contacts does he have?
Some Paki who works in the kebab shop in Deptford.
I’m going to bed.
Dropped Martin off at the airport and missed the agency
monthly meeting. The Pond stuff is going well. Rick (with a P)
got on my tits today mind you, I’ve been up since 6am so
that doesn’t help. I’m getting ready for a good bath and yes…
that too.
The Mount meeting was nice. I shared. I‘d like to share more
often maybe that’s why I‘m writing all this stuff down. I feel
a little strange tonight I had a little cry earlier. Not an unhappily.
It was from relief. I thnk. Martin is quite an intense character.
He can be like a black hole when he’s feeling down.
He absorbs the atmosphere around him.
It’s impossible to keep him buoyant.
So draining.
I feel a bit silly in my big house. It seems a little unesacessary.
I mean here I am in a big fuck-off house. It looks like somewhere
a cute curly haired wife and kids should be. But instead there’s
baldy-crazy-man. The thing is I just need to feel like I deserve
it. My method seems to be if I work harder then I will at least
deserve all the good things that happen to me. But of course
the harder I work the less time I have to enjoy said good things.
Dilemma. Well fuck it I can always sell the cunting house for a
not insubstantial profit.
My fucking Mother says she’s go to New York for
Christmas and not to Minneapolis. Not even for the New Year.
That hurts. But there you go. Kieran’s there right now bringing
her out every night on Caroline’s money. I’m jealous I suppose.
He ‘s not supposed to be able to do that.He’s supposed to be poor.
Then when he hears I‘m talking to Directors in Holywod
(North Holywooddoesn’t reall count but he doesn’t know that)
he wants to, get this, download some ideas for me “to have a look at.”
(“to be impressed by” by in other words)
Martin is doing the same thing.
“Give me your contacts” he says.”and I ‘ll give you mine”
“Give me a fucking break ‘ I say…and anyway what contacts does he have?
Some Paki who works in the kebab shop in Deptford.
I’m going to bed.
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